


Smoke Break

by taxidermybears



Category: Tegan and Sara (Band)
Genre: Drug Use, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 18:16:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7278631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taxidermybears/pseuds/taxidermybears
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tegan and Sara sneak away from their responsibilities.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smoke Break

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [these](http://tnssnaps.tumblr.com/post/145616641219) [snaps.](http://tnssnaps.tumblr.com/post/145616572739)

“Tegan, we are thirty-five years old.” Sara’s mouth protested, yet her feet moved not far behind her sister’s, balancing an umbrella above her in one hand and dragging a lawn chair with the other.

Tegan ignored her. She carried her own lawn chair-umbrella combination and placed them in a clearing between a cluster of trees. It was makeshift and they could have easily found shelter from the rain in the car, but it was better than being soaked.

“We’re working, Tegan.” Again, Sara resisted verbally but followed suit.

“We’re artists, Sara,” Tegan said, her grin what Sara could only describe as shit-eating. Tegan fetched something from inside her jacket pocket. “Plus, we have an entire two hours. We’ll be fine.”

She lit the joint before Sara could say no.

“Oh, lighten up, mom,” Tegan said as soon as she caught a glimpse of the look on Sara’s face. “It’ll be like old times.”

“Ancient times, Tegan. Ancient times.” Sara said. She knew she was all talk though, just putting on a show. “You were way more into pot than I was.”

“Oh, my bad,” Tegan said. The joint had gone out already and she was fumbling to relight it. “I should have picked up some legal California acid for you while I was at it, from the legal acid dispensary.”

“You were just intimidated because I was way more badass than you.”

Tegan rolled her eyes. She handled the joint like she would a cigarette, Sara noticed, balancing it between her index and middle finger. “It’s kinda nice out here,” Tegan said.

“Yeah.” Sara was sure she sounded distracted and half-hearted. The rain was aggravating, but it really was beautiful. The sheet of crunchy brown leaves on the ground were the bones of fall, but the sky was pure summer. The storm, although absolutely inconvenient, had managed to douse the usual scorch of the sun. Hell, Sara couldn’t even complain about the pot. Her only real gripe was her choice of footwear; she would have ditched the old canvas Vans in place of something more rainproof while they were slushing through mud. “Yeah,” she repeated. This time she meant it. “This is really nice.” Sara paused. “Now I sort of wish we had acid.”

Tegan smirked with the joint to her lips. Her chest rose as she inhaled. “It feels like forever-” Tegan began, puffs of smoke escaping from her mouth with each syllable. She sighed to release the remainder of the smoke from her lungs before continuing. “Since we had a moment to breathe.”

Tegan offered it to Sara. Her first hit went down sharp and hot, just like she remembered, and Tegan patted Sara’s back while she heaved. Tegan’s mad giggling and Sara’s hacking echoed in the trees. “For a second,” Tegan said after she had collected herself enough, “I forgot you had the asthma and I thought you were just a wimp.”

Sara was going to retaliate, but she settled for flipping Tegan the bird and purposefully giving an exaggerated cough two inches from her face. Sara didn’t want to admit that her soul felt seventeen again, blowing this same exact type of smoke out of a hole cut through Tegan’s window screen when their mom wasn’t home.

“Real nice, Sara.” Tegan plucked the joint from her sister’s fingers. “Five minutes ago we were thirty-five years old and now you’re acting like a fourteen-year-old boy.”

Sara tried to laugh, but was interrupted by her body forcing her to cough up the leftover smoke from her lungs.

Tegan flicked the ash off the tip. “The three of us have had some good times together, huh?”

“You read my mind.” Sara thought her pants felt way too nice against her palm, so she rubbed.

“We were completely baked the first time we kissed, huh?”

Sara tried not to think about the first times that much. That particular footage was tucked between montages of uncomfortable middle school boyfriends, uncomfortable family holidays, and uncomfortable hours of sleep lost wondering why she was rubbing one out to her sister. Something about it made  
her stomach churn, but then again something in the way Tegan was talking about it made it feel okay to think about.

“You had that really shitty little TV in your room. _We were watching The Planet of the Apes_ ,” Sara said.

“Super hot.”

“The pinnacle of romance.”

It wasn’t a complete lie by any means. As far as first kisses went, Sara personally considered that one the _ne plus ultra_ of first kisses: Their mom was at school for night, meaning the entire house was at their mercy, meaning Tegan had scored some weed from that Bradley kid with the unfinished homemade tattoo on his arm. _The Planet of the Apes_ was a high-pitched roar in the background shrieking through tinny speakers. Charlton Heston was thrashing and writhing in the net and screaming, ‘Take your stinkin’ paws off me, you damn dirty ape!’

Tegan took another hit and said, “We were done and you were going to go get rid of the evidence or something, but I said some dumb ass line.” Tegan put on a pseudo-suave voice,” ‘ _One more hit. We’ll share_.’“

Sara chuffed, remembering her next line to Tegan. ” _’How can we share only one hit?_ ’“

They did not need to remind each other of what happened after, how one of Tegan’s hands grabbed a fistful of Sara’s hair while the other secured the back of her neck. With a jerking forward motion their faces had been paper-width apart, hot against each other, lips faintly parted. Tegan’s mouth poured smoke into Sara’s. Sara wished she could recall the taste of the smoke that had been in Tegan’s lungs.

She did remember Tegan’s hand moving from the back of her neck to the collar of her t-shirt, tugging on it, urging her to close the gap. And she did.  
The Tegan that was currently next to her sighed.

Sara reclaimed the joint and tried her hand at inhaling more. It itched and ached, but it didn’t feel like her chest was going to catch fire this time. “How are you doing?”

Tegan took her own hit and allowed it to fester in her chest for a few brief moments before answering. “I’m actually doing… really, really well.”

Even though they were the toss of a rock away from each other in L.A., most of their conversations had been through text. And even then, there was only so much Sara wanted recorded electronically between her and her twin. Tegan was right; this was the first chance they had gotten to be just the two of them in what felt like much longer than what the reality of it probably was. The only thing Sara knew for a fact was that it’s been six months since they were able to touch. She made sure to keep track of that.

“I’m really proud of you.” It came out much quieter than Sara intended.

Tegan looked away and nodded.

Sara knew both Tegan and Lindsey were gutted that _it_ had to happen, but Sara had no idea which one of them had suffered the hardest blow. The details had been years in the making and the ambiguity of when and why and how it turned sour didn’t help. On a particularly rough night, one where Tegan was convinced that the only thing that would make her feel better was if the world ended, Sara laid with Tegan while she sobbed. “Why does it feel like punishment if it was the right thing to do?” Tegan had repeated that over and over again. It rang through Sara’s skull almost every day.

_Why does it feel like punishment if it was the right thing to do?_

Sara took a hit.

The new woman Tegan was seeing made it better, and Sara was thankful. In any other life, any other of the infinite worlds, (Sara knew that translated to “if Sara wasn’t with Stacy”) Sara liked to think that she would have made more of an effort; that whether by god, luck, or money Sara would have either found a way or forced a way to be with Tegan.  
But, she thought, things didn’t turn out too bad.

_We’ll always have New Orleans._

In fact, they were pretty fucking good.

Still, Sara wanted to kiss Tegan right there, in the rain, under the trees. She settled for giving the Tegan’s non joint-holding hand a squeeze.

Tegan looked up from the cluster of wet leaves on the ground. “How are you?”

“I’m doing really, really well, too.” Sara said. She realized she was squinting and tried to open her eyes more, but only squinting felt normal.

Sara decided that Tegan was much, much too far away and scooted the lawn chair closer. Tegan flinched and froze against her at first, but any tension was exorcized from Tegan’s body as Sara rested her head on her sister’s shoulder.

“Someone could walk over here any moment.” Tegan’s voice was low.

“We’ve been caught doing weirder things than this before.”

They stayed like that, passing the joint between each other. Sara had a guilty thought, that sometimes, especially in the middle of those extended droughts, she would almost forget exactly how much she loved Tegan. Getting back in the routine of spending almost every single moment with Tegan was knocking the wind out of Sara. It struck her that she didn’t realize how much she missed home until she was forced to be somewhere else. Its permanence and stability were criminally taken for granted. Home was always there, waiting. Tegan was always there, waiting. Sometimes, though, Sara had to _make_ herself forget. They were part time lovers and she needed to clock out on occasion, for her own sake.

_But this isn’t of those times._

The joint was charred down to the filter and Sara was inhaling nothing but tar. “Ugh, it’s getting gross and my lungs are dying. Let’s head back and walk off this stink.”

“One more hit.” Tegan inhaled deep, her chest swelling. She grabbed the back of Sara’s hair and pushed their lips together and bits of smoke seeped out of the gaps in the kiss. Like muscle memory or a reflex, Sara clutched Tegan’s waist. She breathed in everything she was offered. They kissed long after the smoke disappeared into the atmosphere.

“Oh, wow.” Tegan finally pulled away and held Sara’s face in her hands. “I’m starving. I seriously am so pumped for food.”

Sara smiled. “Asshole.” She shoved Tegan away.

Things were pretty fucking good.


End file.
